BALH3 260th
Hash Trash

So there we were, No shit blah blah blah.  Now this hash is a special hash.  You may be asking yourself Why is it so special?  Were there any guest speakers? Were there planned sex on trail?  Did the midget show up again?  No you dumb nuts, this night was special (as in short yellow bus special).  Since there were no volunteer hares for this hash we all dug deep into our pockets, sofa cushions & piggy banks for a pick up hash.  That's right wankers, it was a group effort hash.  As we head down to the sacred whore it is role call:

     Ranger Smurf, Got Gas? Jackass!, Refux, Stuff my Box, By the way boys I'm gay, Chef, Richard Simmons, Urinal Biscuit, Tool and Twat. 

The first hares are chosen and the winners of the hash lottery are Ranger Smurf and Twat.  As it is hares away, Got Gas? Jackass! leads us into our hash aerobics song of Today is ...  Of course he fuckers up the song right off the bat.  I guess that is what 2 weeks in Panama with no hashing will do to a hasher.  Ditty done and we are walking.  Intersection.  Some go right, some go straight and nada.  Got Gas? goes left and finds true trail.  Along the sea wall we go & we cum to our first boob check.  Chef didn't miss that one this time.  Down the road towards the water and trail circles around and behind a building where we see a raft with a true trail arrow on it.  Oh the hell if I am going to paddle my way across the water to get back to the steps.  But there is a chain link  fence blocking the way.  GGJ climbs around the gate.  My turn.  Around I go & there I am stuck.  Legs flaring, half of my body dangling and I begin to ponder; have I gotten my latest shots yet?  Who knows what's floating in that water.  Urinal Biscuit pushes my flaring legs towards GGJ and he grabs me (my legs, not my ass).  Oh my hero!! He really does love me!! For a moment there my life began to flash before my eyes.  It was really boring.  Butt cum (does anyone have butt cum?) to find out that he wasn't saving me, he was saving the hash camera that I had on me.  Jackass.

Everybody over the gate and we climb the stairs to see By the way boys, and Stuff kept along the wall & totally skipped the water crossing.  Lazy hashers.  Back to the road & across towards the cunt-struction.  Past the park with the cool slides that apparently we were too cool to slide down.  Really, I think that we were just too damn thirsty to slide our sweaty asses down them.  Honestly, with the amount of glisten that we had on us, if we were to have taken the slide, we could have probably slid right into our first beer stop at full speed.  BN South Beach Bar & Grill.  There we are told "what ever is on tap is yours!"  Great I'll take a Shiner.  Sorry we are out of that. Damn.  Then I will take a Miller.  Out of that too.  Holy hell what do you have left?  Well, they had XX and Fat Tire.  My first taste of Fat Tire and it led me to believe that the true name should have been Flat Tire. Yuck.  Next hares are picked, Urinal Biscuit and Chef (dun, dun, dun).  Off they go as we enjoy our nectar (well, some of us did).  We are now back on trail.  There we go down Chapparal & we cum to our next boob check.  Flash, Flash. (not the camera, me) Moving on, another boob check. Up the shirt goes again.  Finally a pecker check.  Damn you fuckers for not waiting for me.  Butt what is this?  Twat is still behind me.  After almost tackling him to the ground, he agress to show his package.  Honor.  Moving across the street and to an empty parking lot.  Damn it all to hell, another damn boob check.  Damn you Chef and U.B.  As I check to make sure the coast is clear, I apparently over look the homeless guy & flashed the hounds right infront of him.  For a moment I thought I heard the homeless guy singing God Bless Texas.

As I collect what little dignity a harriette can have, we circle around the corner & head straight into Q's.  After all the hounds thank Chef and Urinal Biscuit for the traveling porn on trail, we begin to drink our 3 pitchers of beer.  Next hares up are Stuff My Box and By the Way Boys.  They are gone & we continue on with our beer.  At this point Ranger Smurf is educating a bar patron in the ways of the hash.  He has now become our sacrifical virgin for the night.  Just Al !  Off we go & trail leads us to the Executive Surf Club.  Food!!! Finally.  NO, those bastards tricked us.  Thru the surf club we go and head towards Rockits.  BT damn it.  Turn back & trail finally leads us to Dicky Joe's.  There I decided to go next door to order us some pizza rolls.  I get there and they tell me that it will be about 20 minutes since someone has already placed an order.  That's fine I will wait.  Butt cum (there it is again.) to find out, here cums Stuff & she said that it is her order that she is picking up & that I didn't have to order more.  Weird that we were the only 2 harriettes on trail & we had the same thing on our mind; nice, hott, juicy, steamy pizza rolls.  Honor to her for beating me to it. 

Pizza is taken to Joe's & we eat & are happy.  Next hares are Tool & Richard Simmons.  Tool begins to ask me where is Rockits from here.  I give him the Dir-erections & they are gone.  After a while we finish our beer & we are out.  ( I know where we are going.  We're going to Rockits, we're going to Rockit's)  butt wait, if Rockit's is this way, why is trail going that way?  I guess it is on on to Hanks.  In we go & have our beers.  Apparently Chef , Urinal Biscuit, Stuff and BTWB decided to have group sex on trail, that would explain their tardiness to this beer stop.  In they finally cum & drink.  Richard Simmons decides to lead us in a ditty, I *ucked a dead whore by the road side... & we are now entertaining the bar patrons.  Then it is , off we go into the hott wett (you know the rest). and a good 20 versus of Yogi Bear. 

Final hares are plucked & it is.... Can you guess... Who's left?  That's right GGJ  & myself.  Hmmm  where can we take em?  I will take, where is Dr Rockit's for 2500$

GGJ and I take off (on trail, not our clothes) & get to Rockits.  Moments later the rest of the pack us getting closer.  Butt with Ranger Smurf in the lead, he stops short of the door because he refuses to be FRB again for the 3rd week in a row.  So he kindly holds the door open for Tool. TOOL IS FRB!!!  DFL = CHEF.  As we gather in Rockits, we are greeted  by "ON-ON"  who is this you ask?  Well it is none other then Big Black Male and Bag O Porn, our transplant hashers.  Wel-cum. 

It is now time for REEEEEEEELIGION.  Circle begins and we do our toast to G.  Just Al who is G?  Uh, a letter in the alphabet?  Get in my circle.  He is our founder dumbass.  Bag O Porn, when was the hash founded?  I don't remember.  Get in my circle and Big Black Male you too for bringing her.  I can't believe experienced hashers like Bag O Porn do not know what year it was founded.  1938.  Hay-ness crime. 

Tails from the trail are told and it is mentioned, the homeless guys from the 2nd beer stop, that the paramedics that worked on him said that he will recover well but will just have to take nitro now.  Cool, I have heart stopping boobies!  Accusations are done and then Hares for next week are , or shall I say is, Richard Simmons.  It will be his birthday hash and also a mexican themed hashed.  So cum prepared or else we will stick a burrito up you ass-o. 

On-Out

Re-Fux-Ology