Well Hashers, this is my last hash trash for about 7 months.

Now I better see someone else writing them while I'm gone! How else am I going to keep on the gossip and debauchery!

I volunteered to hare last week because I figured I might not get the opportunity to hare again before I left. I didn't realize that it was going to be my last hash. So I had no time to scout and neither did PRJ (who volunteered with me) and rather than trying a literal live hare, I decided that it might be fun to do a pick-up style where a different person hares with me each leg (because I actually believe you guys like me THAT much).

So the first leg began with Puerto Rican Jew and myself. Since Plug My Hole Baby didn't know what style hash we were doing, she had already bought some BEER for a stop or two. PRJ had the wonderful idea that we lead the pack right back to his truck and let his back seat be the BEER stop....so trail started with PRJ taking the true trail right down the seawall and I took the pack on a YBF just outside of Whataburger. PRJ led the pack on CBs and BTs all the way back to his pretty truck where we all partook in some tasty Miller Lite (well, tasty if you like beer-flavored water). Since REFUX brought a virgin, I thought I should hare a short leg with her so she didn't have to leave her virgin alone too long with the bad bad hashers. We took trail straight up to Knuckleheads with a little CB right at the first stop light. Since 3 DAY was bitching about how there wasn't a pecker checker on the first leg of trail, we gave him a little special one himself right at Knuckleheads' door. The pecker checker read, "3 DAY ONLY, drawing not to insinuate that he has big balls but that since he wanted to flash so badly, it must be a small pecker!" At Knuckleheads I realized that although I had enjoyed many of TWAT's trails, I had never actually hared with him, so I asked him to LAY with me and thought lets make it a little stretch too. So OFF we went out the front door of Kuckleheads toward 37. TWAT went to LAY a nice little YBF through some shiggy straight a HEAD and I took true trail over into the downtown area one street over from Broadway. TWAT said he'd meet up with me along trail to LAY BTs off inter-SEX-ions but as I continued running (no really, I WAS running) down the street I'd look back for him, nothing....run a little further....nothing. So like a mile later, I realized that I'd have to start HEAD-ing to our BEER stop, and I thought (yes, blondes actually think sometimes!) well he's a freaking FRB, he can catch up. So down into town toward Q's I went. At least where I thought Q's was.... I did a few turns on CHAD so I could change it up a little and not put an inter-SEX-ion at ever corner.....still looking back for TWAT (no where to be found). I realized I had zig zagged quite a bit, so I left the pack a little note. "If you made it this far you're doing well!" I figured this could double for a little motivational message for the CC homeless too. I ran a tad further than Q's so I had to do a little back track to our BEER stop, figuring it made for a nice "fake right" (damn I'm going to miss football season). When I arrived, hoping that TWAT was close behind me when some guy with blonde hair like Harry from Dumb and Dummer, asked me why the hell I wrote "BH" in front of the bar. I told him it stood for BIG HAIR, and then he left me alone. So in about 3 mins (what seemed like 20) TWAT comes rolling around the corner, having followed my trail, bitching that there weren't enough inter-SEX-ions. I can't wait to hare with him again when I get back! The pack actually joined us within 5 mins of finishing that leg. After a BEER or three, I grabbed BY THE WAY BOYS and STUFF for the next leg. I was just going to take the pack to Executive for some good tap beer but STUFF had an excellent idea to just take everyone to HERB's for CC's best burgers in town. So we LAID a nice extensive inter-SEX-ion at the corner with Executive (where the hell did BTWB learn how to lay trail?) and finished at HERB's with a note for the pack., "come in and and have some MEAT on US!" We ordered everyone a burger from the rudest, laziest, most annoyed Bitch we'd ever met....I can't remember her name but if you go into HERB's and the chick behind the counter is fat and ugly and looks like a terror to her parents, it's most likely her. The burgers were awesome as always, spit or not. So after we all finished I told 3 DAY lets finish trail and take these wankers to BEER. I figured we'd just walk next door but 3 DAY, being his normal overachieving self, wanted to lay a real trail that no one would take. So he did, and I sat in Dr. Rockit's and laughed.

As circle began I knew they'd do something since I was leaving for so long but I didn't think that would be me sitting on a bucket of ICE! Let me tell you from experience, block ICE is not so bad, bucket of jagged glass-like ICE, bad! Accusations began with GOT GAS accusing REFUX of like 8 things, guess he was trying to get her drunk....if you're living together should you need to get her drunk to get LAID GGJ? Anyway, I told the story through chattering teeth of how PRJ and I were chatting about being spanked (while waiting for the pack at our BEER stop) when he mentioned what "Felina" liked. What? Who's Felina? Although I thought PLUG had a beautiful mortal name, I was astonished that such a seasoned hasher used it! So then 5 or 6 of us drank for mortal name usage, cause lets face it, we all do it. Did I mention that I was sitting on a bucket of glass for 2 hours? There were some more accusations, but I don't remember because I was sitting on glass....then we went into Tales from trail, I think. My memory is getting fuzzy at this point, because I'm sitting on GLASS! TWAT told the tale of the trail we didn't LAY together, and I realized that I could no longer feel my ass. In fact this was as small as my ass had ever felt. Cool, actually really cool actually, cold as fu#k! Memories of naming JACKO came back, oh THAT'S why he said that! Anyway, after a few announcements reminding everyone of the 4 for the 4th schedule (you guys suck, I can't believe I'm going to miss that) hashers said their goodbye's. Did I mention that I was sitting on glass-ice? So after it all I thought, thank GOD I can get up now.....I figured it would suddenly feel better, like a warm blanket after kinky sex, but NO! It was like 1000 daggers hitting my ARSE. Ok so maybe it felt a little good.

Well hashers that's all I've got for awhile. Thanks for making my Wednesdays interesting and keeping me up to no good. REFUX- I'm going to miss the whipped cream and chatting about boys, GGJ- NOT going to miss the stories you make up about us or the offers for a threesome ;), STUFF-thanks for always being the MOM of the group and taking care of people, RANGER-where the hell have you been-it's not the same without you, TWAT-thanks for the great trails and always managing to say something that I don't expect out of you, EZ-you rock, gonna miss those motivational speeches of yours!, BUTT MUNCH-you're so NOT going to read this email but thanks for always finding time to make it out, PRJ & PMHB- thanks for keeping me up on the latest S&M stuff, CHERRY-lets not talk about how you clear a theater of people out ;), 3 DAY and CHEF- guys thanks for so much great fiascos on trail and off...people like you always make any hash better!

ON-OVER to Bahrain --|--|--|-->

Peroxide Moron