Patriotic Running of the KDMC H3
July 4th,2002
1:00 PM
Selena Memorial

See the Pictures

So there we were, six Knuckdraggers and only five bikes. The streets were getting hotter by the minute and the sacred whore wasn't providing much relief from the heat. EAR FUCKED, being new to the world of two-wheel transportation, was prepared with map in hand. Considering the fact that we are all hashers, the map seemed nothing more than scrap paper with odd little lines all over it. Fortunately TWAT DID YOU SAY showed up in his work vehicle to give us a little advice and bid us farewell.

Soon we were off, off to rescue fellow dragger GUAMARHEA BALLS. It seems he'd been using his motorcycle battery to power odd sexual toys and didn't have the power left to restart his motorcycle after filling it with go juice. With a new battery in his motorcycle and a promise to devise other means of powering his toys, we were almost ready to ride. After much deliberation, a plan was formed to christen BLUE BALLS' new bike. BLUE BALLS, with GUAM riding bitch, took a short tour of the neighborhood. Let's just say the neighbors will be talking about that one for a long time.

Once again we were off to do a little riding with BLUE BALLS leading the pack. That had disaster written all over. The first thing any hasher learns is never follow BLUE BALLS! After 30 minutes of riding around the block, BLUE BALLS decided to stop making right turns, took a left and we were on our way. I think he was just reminiscing about the quality time with GUAM and didn't want to leave the fond reminders behind.

The ride took us through Corpus to Portland then from there I can't say where we went. We were all at the mercy of BLUE BALLS. It wasn't long before we made our first stop, lunch! Fortunately we made it in time for BLUE BALLS to enjoy the early bird special with the senior discount. Soon we were back on the road again with full stomachs and a new Depends for BLUE BALLS.

CHEMO, in his attempt to become leader of the pack, began dropping unimportant pieces of his motorcycle to disable trailing riders. EAR FUCKED realized what was going on and made a mad dash for the front of the pack. GUAM, being the only one to be hit by the shrapnel, only needed a couple minutes to recover. Fortunately he's got a second knee and doesn't use either to ride.

A stop for fuel and we were back on the road, heading south for Corpus. The closer we got to Corpus, the more it looked like we were going to get soaked by a nasty thunderstorm. Fearing he might become a lightening rod, RANGER SMURF convinced the pack to detour around the storm. The detour led us back through Portland, then to north beach where we stopped for refreshments.

Other than one bruised knee, some sun burned arms, and helmet damage following an 85 mph drop test off the back of CHEMO's bike, the ride was great.

SBD