81st KDH3 / 4 for the 4th run
Hash Trash

Friday, 1 July 2005 (written by Got Gas? Jackass!)
     Four for the 4th of July.  Where do I start with this hash trash? Well, I guess the beginning would be a good place, dumb ass.  or should I say Jackass!  So there we were.  No, shit, blah, blah, blah.huh!  The plan
was to meet at Knuckleheads at 12:00pm and leave no later than 1:00pm.  Good thing the schedule had "fudge factor" time in there otherwise we would've been really fucked!  After waiting on Puerto Rican Jew, Plug  My Hole Baby and their virgin, Just Trey we thought we were ready to go.  But, NO!!!  It
was time for Rim Raider's bike to have it's anal suppository (Oil Change).  Long story short, we finally left around 2:00pm.  Not bad, we can still make it!  In the group was myself, Anything For A Buck, Rim Raider, Puerto Rican Jew, Plug My Hole Baby and Just Trey.  The first half of the ride up was
pretty uneventful, except for AFAB wriggling around on the back of my bike like a worm (Parasitic?  No, but she sure likes to bite!).  We stop at a rest stop for a beer and a chance to stretch our legs and off we go again.  This time we get a couple of miles down the road and I notice that no one is behind us anymore so we pull over on the side of the highway and wait.  Still waiting.  Tried to call PRJ.  Still waiting.  Tried to call Plug.  Still waiting.  Finally got a call from PRJ to tell us that Rim Raider had suffered a slight breakdown.  Fuck!!!  Well, we turn around go back to assist our stranded brother hasher.  Turns out a couple of little bolts decided to work themselves out of his rear belt sprocket (not good, for those of you that don't speak motorcycle).  Never fear, Plug and PRJ are here!  Plug leaves on foot to find some tools and PRJ decides to go to Wal-Mart to buy an adjustable wrench.  Believe it or not, Plug got back first!  Sign her up for the next Scavenger Hunt!  We aren't able to fix the problem so we, very slowly, follow Rim Raider to the Wal-Mart where he decided to await Rotten Cherry bringing his truck and trailer to take the bike home.  Turns out, the half mind pseudo-fixed the bike enough to, very carefully, ride it home.  So off we go again, down one hasher, hoping not to lose anymore.  By this point AFAB seemed like she was going to bounce of the back of the bike with all the movement she was making!  Oh yeah, the time.  So much for the fudge factor time!  We begin to haul ass to Katy and the Mosquito Hash and I forgot that we were supposed to stop in Hillje for some "coveted" beef jerky.  I think Just Trey is still whining about that.  Too bad he wasn't in circle.  We could've made him drink.   More about that later!  We get to Katy, Tx just in time to make the trail and to meet up with another Knuckledragger, Fuck U Knave.  Donut Holer was the hare and
there were quite a few people (Hershey Highway, Thong Long Gone, Crack Of Dawn, and others that I can't remember) that came (what a mess) out to hash with us on a special hash day for them.  Trail was shitty and full of shiggy and thorns, not to mention that it was hotter than a mother.  Circle was a blast where it quickly became "Make Just Trey Drink" day.  Seems like most accusations involved him.    Thanks a billion Mosquito Hash House Harriers for starting our 4 for the 4th out right!  On-On to the On-After at Crack of Dawn and Donut Holer's house which was interesting in itself complete with Hot Tub party!  It is here that three more Corpus Hashers rolled in, Re-Fux-Ology, Twat Did You Say, and Cums Solo (Better late than never).  There was much to be had and plenty of hashers to do it.  As we got our fill
of the sacred nectar, Cums Solo decides to put himself in NINJA mode and secretly catch the action gonig on in the hot tub.  Hey Cums, you have to take the lense cap off before you turn on the spot light.  Well, poor Just Trey, we should start every story for this weekend out like that.  EVERY ONE : Poor Just Trey.  Everyone knows that it is never good when you pass out drunk out of your safe spot around hashers.  Especially if the hashers are drunk!!!  Well, first of all, Just Trey had to be "carried" out of the hot tub after passing out in it.  On the couch he goes and the torture begins.  Cums Solo and Twat'd U Say? decide to T Bag Just Trey and also molest his face with the ass of a kitten.  Poor kitty.  Once the ritual was complete, the mummification began.  7 Rolls of toilet paper and Just Trey was ready for the afterlife.  But not until the offer of French Bread was placed upon him for the Gods of the After life.  (all of this is on video!!)

Saturday, 2 July 2005 (written by Re-Fux-Ology)
     Saturday morning cums and it is donuts and kolaches for all.  We thank our awesome hosts and hit the road to Killeen, Tx where we were going to hash with Hill Country Hash House Harriers.  On our way to Hill Country, Channel Three Boobs meets us at a po-dunk cafe for quick group sex and it is on the road we go (up to five bikes now).  Deadline: hash in HCH3 begins at 5 pm.  Pressed for time we make it to Ticket Master (he loves the cock) and Blow and Go's home.  She proceeds to tell us that everyone is already at the On-Start waiting for us.  She trucks us over like cattle where it is then that I realize that my water bottle was tainted.  Arghh, it tasted like shit.  Hey Knave take a drink.  After much persuasion he took his drink and almost spits it out on the windshield.  Dumb, dumb, dumb, for tasting it.  We finally make it in and trail begins.  Now, for those of you hashers (me) who have never hashed in Hill Country, if you did that trail you would realize: no wonder it is called Hill Country.  Damn, can you say, too many damn hills?  Hot at hell.  At one point I could have sworn that I saw the devil passed out due to heat exhaustion.  Poor soul.  Here we come up to a very steep hill.  Half way up I realize that I am just not going to make it and GGJ should just leave me behind so that the hovering vultures above can have me.  GGJ, never wanting to share me, presses me on and encourages me to keep going.  It is the whole offering of sex later that kept me going.  Finally to the 1st beer stop and we are greeted by Ticket Master (he loves the cock) and Dick Semens.  We consume as much beer and water that we can and TM asked if anyone died on trail.  Well all I could say was that I almost did and if you could only see the disappointment in his eyes when I didn't.  Apparently this trail was set to kill some one.  You can never kill a hasher when he/she is looking for beer.  From there trail is literally DOWN HILL.  AFAB did a gravity check and bruised her right butt cheek and left tit.  Weird.  Finally down to the On-In and it is Circle, Hill Country style.  Back to Ticket Master's (he loves the cock) house for awesome fireworks and food.  Now, word to the wise, never give drunk hashers Roman Candles.  PRJ and FUKnave were both victims of poorly aimed (or were they) Roman Candles.  PRJ's  vessel retreived the candle that bounced off his chest.  FUKnave had one shot in the chest then bounced onto his arm.  The fireworks out front were awesome.  Even the cop that came over agreed that the Grand
Finale was cool.  Back in the house and it is now time for REEEELLL... no not that, It is now time for JUST TREY TORTURE.  Yup, you guessed it, he is passed out cold again.  Out comes the sharpie with LOSER on his forehead and out comes the razor and cream.  SHHHH, I said Shhh we must be very quiet as PRJ shaves his virgin's right eyebrow.  Have you ever realized how difficult it is to hush up a group of drunk hashers.  Here's the weird part, Just Trey woke up very easily to hashers giggling about the shaving but did not feel a thing when he was t bagged the night prior.  Hmmm?   Just Trey is back out cold when Ticket Master (H.L.T.C.) pulls out the electric razor.  Bzz, bzzz and it's bye-bye hair line. That is the last straw.  Just Trey woke up and stomped over to PRJ and demanded, get this, the KEYS TO HIS PHONE so that he
could call 911.  We have keys to our phones?  Damn it, I must have lost them somewhere.  No wonder I can never get my voice mail.  This time, Trey decides to fight the sleep and stay awake for fear that he will wake up with no hair at all and one nut missing.  Outside in the backyard haberdashery for HCH3 shows up and it is announced that whom ever gets naked gets a free happy coat.  Off comes the clothes of AFAB, Ch 3 Boobs and E.O.D.  (Photo to be sent off soon).  The night goes on and I am introduced to new nectar: After Shock!!! I have one word for those of you who have never had that stuff: SUGAR!!!  What we did with that sugar.  (pause, time to reflect.)  My "O" has passed. What was I saying?  Oh yeah, party continues on and GGJ and I retire to our room for you know what!!!  Yup to interrupt again, Ch 3 Boobs and Twat having sex.  Damn, they're done.  And only after an hour, that is some endurance.  So let the snoring competition begin.  And it is CH 3 Boobs in the lead with Twat "Just trying to finish his beer".

Sunday, 03 July 2005
     Sunday morning we have a great feast for breakfast, Thanks Ticket & Blow & Go.  Off we go to Austin for their hash.  And wouldn't you know it, we missed the on-start by about 15 minutes.  But we did catch them on trail as we were heading out to High Beam's house.  Plug decided to jump out of the truck at an intersection and go straight on trail from there.  What a true hasher.    While the rest of the pack almost dies of heat exhaustion, the rest of us get to High Beam's house for chips, dip, pool, fun and sun.  Oh yeah, and of course BEER.  Trail finally ends and it is circle around the pool.  You know, with that many hashers (close to 50) in the pool, makes you wonder who did and did not pee in the pool?  The sun sets and still these crazy hashers are still in the pool having fun and sex, or funny sex.  Which ever?  After many attempts to try and stay awake, GGJ and I decide to follow Fuck U Knave back to his place for some rest.  45 minutes from High Beam's house thru what looked like the neighborhood of Leatherface.  Could have
sworn I heard dueling banjos playing.  Oh well, we made it safely to Knave's and crashed out after some great sex.  Oops, did I say that out loud?  Probably not.  

Monday, 4 July 2005
     JULY 4th 2005 we wake to breakfast made by Knave and after some conversating GGJ and I are back on the road to head (there was plenty of that to be had this weekend) to Chef's property on the Guadalupe River before we hit the C2H3 trail at 6pm, back in Corpus Christi.  Visiting was fun at the river and the travel home sucked after very little sleep all weekend.  Unfortunately, Twat, Rotten Cherry, Rim Raider, Lack of Pucker and Richard Simmons were the only ones who showed up for the C2H3.  I kept a constant phone tag with RC to let her know that we were going 90 just to try and get there on time.  Instead the hash was sent straight to Blue Ball's house for Bar Be Cue, Beer and Fireworks.  It was a great time to be had by all that made it.

And I guess that will wrap up the 4th Anal 4 for the 4th for 2005.  Hope you
enjoyed and feel bad if you didn't go.  Oh yeah, and look forward to next
year!!!
On-Out
Re-Fux-Ology and Got Gas? Jackass!