GWB (George Washington's Birthday) celebration in Laredo, Tx.

February 21st, 2004

Well, anything with G in it should be good, right....well, sometimes it's just downright funny.   Sat. morning, several of us gather in San Antonio for the ride down to Freer to meet up with the corpus christi fucks and ride out to Laredo for the GWB celebration.  Rooms have been secured, and routes planned...blah blah blah.  Slut Slinger from Austin, Guam (note the G), and myself from San Antonio.   No sucky, Tekillya, Sakrilege, also from San Antonio, are allready on their way, as they want to do some shopping in mexico.

CopBlocker, Labia and Rotten Cherry are coming up from Corpus Christi.  Group Sex joins in with her little man, from Houston.  Slut rides in sat. morning early, as he didn't want to miss out on sleepinng in his own bed...pussy.

weather is crisp, sunny, and perfect for the ride.  I've just gotten off of work, so we'll see how the day goes. We finally mange to take off about 930 or something like that, and head south on IH10 to find hwy 16.  The next 110 miles will be straight roads, through back brush country, and rolling hills. not a bad choice, seeing as how the alternative is boring ass IH35.  We did the mandatory stop in Tilden to refuel Guam's bike (tiny tank...again, remember his name starts with a G)..and I'm now drinking red bulls...this can not go well.

on on to freer...where we expect that the corpus guys will be ahead of us, but not true. so we gas up, park and chilll...with more red bulls, and shoot the shit.

about 15 min. later, cherry, copblocker, and labia cum rolling up and after gassing up, they park and we take a small break....since we're in no hurry.

AT THIS POINT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT ALL I'M ABOUT TO SAY IS THE TRUTH!

Slut, Group Sex, Copblocker and I are standing near the bikes chatting when I happen to glance over at Guam, and I notice something strange...he happens to have a "oh, my god, i need to shit" face on him...you know the one...the one where you know you have a 5 pound crap on deck...and you can't move, or it's coming out.  that's the face.....i then notice why he's got the face, and i can see that his bike is tipping over dangerously low...and he is barely managing to keep it up (ahaahaha)....in that brief moment of "what the fuck?" reactions....and the fact that his bike is tipping over onto sluts bike...i assumed that slut would run over and help...but to my relief, he reacted in the only way possible.....and began to laugh at Guam hysterically, at which point, I noticed what it was that had slut rolling on the floor, and that is the gasoline which is now gushing out of the top of the tank...(you know, have you guys ever seen a fire hydrant popped...and spilling on! to the street?) well that's what it looked like...and not only that, but it's spilling all over his nice clean leathers and boots, and gloves that slipped off the seat.....since slut is still laughing, trying to hold his liver in....and copblocker just has that....."you got to be kidding me" look on his face, I walk over and here Guam say, " I can't get it up" WELL, FINALLY HE ADMITS that he can't get it up...who's the unich now?!

so i gingerly grab the frame and pick the bike up...not before, I would say the entire contents of his bike are spilled all over him.  You could say, that his bike came all over Guam.

as we sit there and try not to laugh to hard...the excuses and explanations come out..."i think i kicked the kickstand and it just started falling over..." huummm, now i'm no expert but a 300 to 500 bike won't just let you kick the stand out.....so my detective work led me to believe that the anal side of guam was out and he had stood the bike up to clean the "mung" yes, it's a word, and apparently the name for the lip around the gas tank opening, and he inadvertantly kicked the kick stand out.  case closed.  problem solved.  before anybody could stop laughing hard enough to take a pic. he moved his bike, and went to refuel.  he came back saying that he only had to add 1 gallon of fuel..."1 GALLON?!!" YEAH, that might not seem like much, but he's only got a 1.6 gallon tank.

Since knuckledraggers started a new little tradition on our rides, we have reverted to naminig other peoples bikes (hash names)  i don't know, we didn't have anything else to do while drinking beer.  so you know Guam's bike got named.

we finally make it into Laredo to the Holiday Inn ( hahahahahaha) shitty joint, with every fucking shriner in the country either dressed up as GW or drunk at the bar.  we get our rooms and after much disorganization we make a run for the border.....once on the other side, i melt away into mexican mode, as we get cojoled into some bar, that is empty with keg beer, so we start here.  i go to scout trail, and come back and we all go to the next bar.  now this was a good trail...as three good bars were all on the same block corner.

with my mind fading, with the beer on board, i make one last ditch effort to contribute to the hash, before needing to get an hour or two of sleep.  yeah, yeah, whatever, i wanted the sleep...so suck my cock.

kdh3 tradition dicktates that if you do something stupid, everyone will know about it, and we will rib you for the rest of the trip....GUAM.  and as you tried to remind me of "oh, game on bro"...i'll remind you....again....the game has never been off....ahahaha

so let it be written so let it be said...guams bike is now and forever known as the ...

EXXON VALDEZ....for the terrible spill caused by it's captain...now I would have excused it, if he had been drunk, but he was stone cold sober.   after drinkning more, i went back to hotel for nap. only to wake up and get call from guam at 9pm saying they've crossed over to american side, drunker than shit, and he is the smartest hasher, for not paying 15 dollars for a taxi back to the hotel.  yeah, you dumbass, and know you have to walk 2 miles to the hotel, drunk, and with cherry there to tell you how much of a bonehead you are.

tekillya still had some energy so we hop in their car and pick them up, have some tacos, and the greasiest quesadillas i've ever seen and then head back.

sunday morning.  breakfast brunch ..too expensive, and nothing exciting, then to chill until check out...and the ride home.  Slut and I ride back thru San Antonio and GS follows as we bug out about 1200.

 

All in all, a great time......anybody else is free to add something...EXCEPT YOU GUAM, because no matter what you said, I told the truth...and I'm sure the rest of the pack will agree...ahahaha

 

kdh3 RA gaylord focker, then I left, and cherry took over the rest of the evening.

drunk: copblocker, guam, sakrilege (who said we couldn't stop drinking, because he hadn't puked yet......then 3 minutes later was passing out and decided to stop drinking)

sober folk: cherry and little man, alex.

bike naming: guam's  .... EXXON VALDEZ

Other bikes named: Fuknave's: KY (so much oil leaking out that he lubes everything everywhere.

Cadaver Divers:  FLAMER, as his bike burst into flames on his way to work, as he frantically tried to translate the words "fire extinguisher" to the mexicans in the store that he ran into screaming like a little girl as if he had spiders in his hair.  fucking homo.

 

about a 300 mile trip more or less.  great time, and yes, this was the 2nd anal run to the border.  maybe next time, we can get more people to come...and we'll get a hotel closer to the border.  missed all of you that couldn't make it, and stay in touch, and lets ride.

 

onon

gaylord focker